I always believed that marriage was based on love, respect and trust between two people. I am not sure about that anymore. Of late, I have seen too many close friends, living in a loveless marriage, for the sake of the children.
Even though they are working women, not all of them can afford to make ends meet on their own. For others, it is the fear of starting all over again alone and the stigma attached to a divorced woman.
But what saddened me the most was when a friend confided how she didn’t want to live abroad with her children while they pursued higher education, because she couldn’t trust her husband alone.
Asked if she loved her husband, she claims that hers was an arranged marriage, where everyone told her she would learn to love her husband in time….somehow that never happened.
She says she has only read about romance and realises that while a lot of it is exaggerated, she wishes she had experienced the excitement and thrill of being in love.
If after years of marriage, there is no love, the trust factor is non-existent, as in her case, what is this marriage based on? Is there respect? She acts with respect, more out of fear, he on the other hand is egoistic and has no time for her. As far as he is concerned, he has provided for the family and that is where his duty ends.
So why is she in the marriage? What does she get out of it? She gets the status of being somebody’s wife and living within the norms of what society expects of her.
In the bargain, she is unhappy, has lost her identity, her self worth. Somewhere behind that ‘all is well’ exterior is a warm, wonderful person who can make it on her own and wants to break free, but doesn’t have the courage to do so.
What a price to pay for social acceptance.
I don't really think it is the fear of staying alone or breaking the norms of society. Many a times it is sacrificing or accepting the not very best for the sake of the children. What if I cannot afford to give them the same quality of education, the same standard of living and the same comforts in life. Also, having both parents around does give the children a more holistic view of life and as a mother; I would make this sacrifice as long as my husband is not violent or irresponsible towards the requirements of the family.
ReplyDeleteValid point but then again there are situations, where the parents don't get along at all. Isnt that a unhealthy and toxic environment for children to grow in? Sometimes moving out is in fact better for the children in the long run.
ReplyDeletethat my darling is what i meant when i said he does the basic stuff.more importantly, we need to learn to live with our differences.sometimes agression is just somebody's way of dealing with frustration.
ReplyDelete