Youngsters these days…

I am far from old fashioned, I have learnt to accept change and move with the times, but some of the styles that young people walk around in, leaves me speechless!

What’s so stylish about wearing pants that are seemingly going to drop any second, just to display your colorful boxer shorts?  Yes, I realize It’s none of my business what you wear, but seriously, that’s your idea of a cool fashion statement? Give me a break!

As for some of the young girls these days who wear such revealing clothes, leaving nothing to the imagination, is modesty not a part of your vocabulary? Believe me you can still be fashionable and modest at the same time.

If this is your way of seeking attention you will undoubtedly get it, but really, do you enjoy being ogled at? Who knows the crazy thoughts in those minds that see you strutting your stuff, so to speak? If you are going to walk around half naked, God forbid, if someone attacks you, then you only have yourself to blame.

When it comes to hairstyles, what’s the deal with walking around with a headful of red, blue and even green hair?  For crying out loud, you are not a peacock!

As for make-up, your beauty lies in your youth, alas you fail to see it. Save the make up for later, if you feel the need to cover up blemishes, laugh lines, wrinkles, from which there is no escape; for now let your youthful looks glow naturally.

Have you seen youngsters with their cell phones? It is like a life line they would be lost without; they text, fast and furious, wherever they are, while crossing the road, waiting for the bus, anywhere and everywhere.

Text messaging is now ‘in’ and the art of conversation has for the most part, died a painful death! I have come across groups of young people ‘hanging out’ together for coffee or a meal and yet everyone is on their cell phone, messaging or talking to other people. They might as well ‘hang out’ with their phones, within the walls of their own homes!

Apart from the crazy fashion statements and lifestyle which was non-existent when I was their age, youngsters have a lot going for them.

In all fairness, when I think of the youngsters that I know, I am struck by their confidence, their sense of responsibility; they know what they want out of life and are ambitious enough to take risks, to prove themselves and achieve their goals.

I love their vibrant spirit and the way they juggle quite effectively between “work hard and play hard”. On the flipside, others I know simply choose to go with the flow, take one day at a time or have a ‘don’t care attitude’. All in all, they are caring, wonderful human beings.

End of the day, it is their life and how they choose to live it is a choice they will make and have to live with.

 I just wish they would make better choices with their dress sense and overall appearance.

Stepping out of my comfort zone…

 

 

I am not an adventurous person. I am never the first one to jump up and try something new, be it food, a venue or a new style of clothing;  some people must think I am boring, but that’s just me.

 

So it was totally out of the box for me to experiment and follow a health tip that ensured a kidney cleanse, which would also mean more trips to the bathroom to pee, but what caught my attention were the golden words: helps you lose weight too.

 

All I had to do was chop a bunch of cilantro, add to water and boil for 10 minutes. After it cooled, I was supposed to drink a glass every day. Additionally, I would notice the difference soon after and it seemed a harmless win-win situation, so I decided to try it for a week.

 

Day 1: The water tasted bland, had a slight yellow/green hue, nothing as vibrant and healthy looking as the picture, but the fact that I didn’t have to hold my nose to gulp it down was a relief. In fact I sipped it slowly, imagining it giving my kidneys a rude awakening as it started the cleansing.

 

Day 2 – 6:  Pretty much the same as day one. I wasn’t taking any extra trips to the bathroom, I didn’t notice any glowing skin, or weight loss either, but I decided to keep going.

 

Day 7: I emptied out the last glass from the jug in the fridge and just gulped it down. It had been a week and nothing had changed. I had no idea if my kidneys were given a thorough cleaning or not, but I hadn’t even lost an ounce. If I expected someone to say ‘you look amazing, what have you done,” that wasn’t forthcoming either. If anything, my anxiety to see some change must have caused worry lines if nothing else.

 

One week down the road, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through the trouble of cleaning another bunch of cilantro and boiling it for dear life. There was no saying if my kidneys were doing a happy dance either and I certainly had nothing to show for it.

 

So what did I learn from all this? Simply this: get real, get your butt to the gym and work out like the rest of the tribe to lose weight, because it won’t happen by just sipping water!

 

And then people wonder why I don’t like trying new things!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nurturing my inner child….

As heart-warming as it is to see children at play, as they scream, shout and run around in gay abandon, it is just as wonderful to see adults bring out their inner child, which is what we did, at a recent girls night get together.
 

Girlish giggles amidst a carefree, relaxed atmosphere, good food, good music, but most of all amazing company, made it a fun filled night.
 

We are all so different, in so many ways, some bold, some shy, some noisy, others quiet, but after a while, the barriers of self-consciousness break free and the inner child within all of us, takes centre stage.
 

It is only amongst this circle that most of us feel comfortable, to share secrets, unleash fantasies and in the bargain get to know a little more about each other, without worrying about being judged.
 

There is this sense of sisterhood, of sharing a pact, of belonging and a silent understanding, that binds us, which allows us behave in a fashion, others would not be able to comprehend.
 

While everyone undoubtedly has their share of emotional baggage, all that takes a backseat, as we focus on being in the 'now' and enjoying our time together.
 

I love knowing that I am part of a beautiful group of people; I am not  referring to personal appearances, because that is a given, but to that inner beauty that shines through their personalities.
 

Whatever their personal circumstances, they are a force to reckon with; their silence should not be mistaken for weakness, they have an inner strength, born out of patience, courage and an ambition to succeed even in the face of adversity.
 

What makes them unique is their love for life  with all its ups and downs and that is what makes them extra special.
 

However, as they say, all good things must come to an end, so after several hours of letting our hair down literally, it was time to bid farewell to that naughty, carefree fun loving child within all of us and get back to the role of wives and mothers.
 

So to my amazing girls, until we all meet again...take some time out often, to nurture your inner child in whichever way you can. Don't suffocate her within the cloak of responsibilities, don't lose sight of her desires, because all she wants to do sometimes, is simply play...let her!

 

You can run, you can hide....

....but there is no escape from the icy hands of Death and that is a reality  we all have to live with.

While death is not something I think about often, I am very grateful to wake up to every new day. However, the thought was prominent in my mind recently, on my mother's 24th death anniversary.

I remember it all so clearly, when I got the news and got ready to go meet the rest of the family. I was totally dry-eyed, until the initial numbness soon gave way to unbearable pain. As the realization of her loss tore my heart to pieces, the floodgates burst and the tears flowed uncontrollably.

How do you cope, when the very centre of your world no longer exists?How do you carry on, when you can't think, beyond your own grief and the tears refuse to subside? At that point, there is only pain, heart-wrenching pain.

The reality is that with time, you do heal, the tears do stop and you learn to carry on, because life does go on, with or without you.

So you grieve, you smile through your tears. as memories flood your thoughts, thoughts that are beautifully captured in the canvas of your mind.

Some days are harder than others, there are highs and lows but I know that although she was not physically with us, she is, in spirit, watching over us and guiding our footsteps.

At times, even today, when I miss being able to call her and ask for advice, I  ask myself, 'what would mum say' and somehow, I know what to do.

End of the day, I have memories of my mother that I cherish. She was truly an angel who gave me birth, who nurtured me and  instilled strong values, that I have passed on to my own children.

I have learnt, that while time may heal the pain, love never dies. It fills your heart, it is like balm to your soul.

Sometimes, when I am feeling melancholy, I look up at the brightest twinkling star and know her love is shining down on me.  I  simply smile through my tears and whisper: "I love you too, mum".






I

In my culture...

As a girl child, often enough, I am not a welcome addition

That is if I am not killed before I am even born.

I am labelled a burden, sometimes even a curse and treated differently.

And my brothers always get priority in everything.

Growing up, I don’t have an identity to call my own.

My thoughts, my hopes, my dreams have no voice.

I am someone’s daughter, someone’s sister

Until I become someone else’s wife and mother

In my culture  

As a wife and a mother, the expectations are endless

Its overwhelming, to juggle between home and a job to make ends meet

Yet I am a non-entity who is never appreciated

My needs, my wants, go unnoticed.

I am expected to always respect and serve my husband

Live by his rules, no questions asked

Keep fasts for his long life and treat him like a God

Irrespective of how he chooses to treat me

Any wonder then, I feel used and abused, dead inside

Trapped like a caged bird, with broken wings

Broken spirit, unable to fly and live my dreams

Just because I am a woman

In my culture

We need to break free from this repeated cycle

By treating our sons and daughters equally

Give both the same importance in all aspects of life.

It is after all their birth right - male or female.

If we have been meek and afraid to voice our opinions

Our daughters need to be different, strong and confident

Courageous to break free if not treated with dignity

And stand strong for what they believe in

Let us teach our sons to treat women with love and respect

Just as they would want to be treated

And the importance of walking side by side as equals

Tread life’s path together with pride in each other

In my culture….

Woman to woman lets shatter the silence and voice our discontent

Let’s not subject our daughters to what we have had to endure

Together we have the resilience to bring about change

Start by welcoming the girl child with open arms 

She too is human, more vulnerable, when she is not nurtured

Make her feel valued, worthy to live life on her terms

Give her reason to hope, to aspire to live her dreams.

Don’t victimise her for being born a girl

Today’s girl child….give her a tomorrow worth living

Time for change

Ever since I found out about a raw food diet that seemed to be doing wonders for people, I was raring to go.

So there I was on Sunday night, packing what I could, to take for lunch the next day.

The first thing I did, come Monday morning was to check my weight. I always close my eyes and step on it very gently, for one thing, I didn’t really want to know, but I needed to and secondly, given my size, the scale might actually break.

I nearly died! No, the scale didn’t break, but the numbers it showed, made me cringe. No wait, that can’t be right, the scale has been tampered with and I look again, but the scale doesn’t lie! What the heck I have been eating to get to this point.

Now I definitely need to stick to my plan.

My lunch bag is bulging with goodness but it weighs a ton with the number of containers; there is fruit in one, salad in the other, cut veggies in the third, a banana, a pear and an orange, just in case. Of course I also have almonds at my desk to help handle hunger pangs.

Seriously, I am not doing any manual labour and I am out of the house for about eight hours only, so how much would my stomach need?

I have an ample amount of stored fat to burn and will not starve to death, but it’s reassuring to know that I have enough and more, to keep me going!

As I walk into the office building, I see a young skinny girl, her handbag on her shoulder and a small lunch bag in the other. I am thinking, that bag probably has place for just a sandwich or salad if at all, which explains her size! The contents of my lunch bag would probably last her a week!

All in all, the morning goes well. I miss starting my day with a peanut butter sandwich followed by herbal tea, but for today, the tea will have to suffice. I wallop down my salad at lunch time and I am drinking loads and loads of water. Yes, that’s a good thing, except that I have to make endless trips to the washroom. No worries, I am getting rid of toxins galore!

By 4pm I have a massive headache. I am hungry, tired and I want my mommy!  I imagine her looking down from Heaven shaking her head and telling me to stop the pity party.

I also don’t want to go to the gym, because all I have eaten is food for rabbits and seriously there are no calories in that to burn! Then again all that accumulated fat that has found a seemingly permanent home in my stomach, needs to be given its eviction notice!

Once home, I am falling apart and my head is pounding. I don’t want to look at any raw food or nuts, darn, I am going nuts here myself and I’ve just about had it.

I breathe, long deep breathes and remind myself that it will get better. My stomach has been given a rude awakening and is rumbling, with complaints of negligence.

I so want this day to end, so I take a shower, followed by a Tylenol with a warm glass of water and go to bed.

Needless to say, my dreams are all food related…..

Oops…a case of mistaken identity.

I find grocery shopping at the weekend to be a very frustrating affair.

It is total mayhem, mainly because it has become a family affair. The whole of Brampton is at Walmart, and this includes, parents, grandparents, kids in strollers, 3-year-olds running around screaming - the works!

As if that isn’t enough, then you have rude and inconsiderate shoppers who randomly block the aisles with their overloaded trolleys, while they browse for items on the shelf.

Many times I have to leave my trolley in a corner, out of everyone’s way and zig-zag through the aisle to pick up what I want.

Last weekend was no different, except that when I came back to my trolley again, after filling it up with a few canned tins of beans and corn, I didn’t see the box of salad leaves that I had put in earlier. Wait, where was the chicken tray? Had I intended to pick it up but didn’t? Was I losing my mind?

Oh no! I was filling up someone else’s cart!!

I looked around, rather embarrassed by what was really an honest mistake of wheeling around a cart that wasn’t even mine! I had no clue as to where exactly I had picked it from, so I silently apologised to what must have been a frustrated shopper somewhere and left it on a side. I picked up the few items in my hands and went looking around for my cart.

It took a while before I could figure out where I had left it and thankfully, it was still there, looking a little lost and lonely, outside the aisle that stocks cookies and snacks. But of course, where else!

I grabbed and hung onto it for dear life till I paid for my groceries and walked with the cart to my car.

To the frustrated shopper who was looking for his/her cart….sorry,  but I hope you found it by the bakery section.

A mother's love...

She gives of herself

Totally

Her love unconditional

Her words gentle

Sometimes stern,

But always encouraging

She knows your heart

Better

Than you do

Your hopes, dreams

She wants the best

For you

Her hugs, her kisses

Heartwarming

Shields you

With her warm embrace

Keeps you safe

From harm’s way

A mother’s love

Unique

Cherish the moments

The bliss

Before they become

Just memories…

Changing Times

I often wonder if I am the only one who is appalled by the way the English language is spoken these days.

My 21 year old son is a prime example and often seems to speak English that I have a hard time understanding at times.

I overheard him on his cell phone one morning,

“Yo wassup,” and after a few seconds, “oh that’s wicked!”

Unable to control my curiosity I asked him whatever happened to good old ‘hi, how are you” and what did his friend do that was so ‘wicked”.

He looked shocked and said that no one, no one in their right mind, at least in his generation would use that phrase as a greeting anymore. As for the word ‘wicked’ it was a way of saying, ‘that’s good’.

On another occasion, when he returned home from a movie and I asked him how it was, he replied, “oh it was so sick!”

“Was it that bad?”

“Oh no, it was awesome, but that’s what ‘sick’ means.”

Now wait a minute. In my day and even today, as far as I know, ‘sick’ was when you were ill, related to an illness or if you were disgusted by something. Since when did the meaning change to awesome?

English has been recognised as an international language and a minimum of 60% of the world population speak it.

Why then have young people today distorted it, the way they do? Why is it considered ‘cool’ to use words and talk in sentences that are in fact grammatically incorrect but so acceptable to them? 

Why instead of saying “she then said no, they say, ‘she was like, no” or they use phrases like ‘kinda-thing’ or ‘sorta-thing’ instead of ‘if you understand what I’m saying.” And of course, in their vocabulary, the word ‘anyway’ is now ‘anyways’ and ‘thing’ has now been replaced by “thingy”.

A couple of words really bother me, like ‘whatever’ and ‘just chill’.

Does the word ‘whatever’ mean a yes or a no?

The answer is still ‘well, whatever’.

As for ‘just chill’, oh no, I am annoyed or to be more precise I am fuming and ready to tear my hair apart, so don’t tell me to ‘just relax’ or talk to me about taking a chill pill!

Seriously, when I first enrolled my son in a convent school at the age of four, I was confident that together with a sound education, his proficiency in the English language would pave the way for great opportunities in the future.

While I must admit that for the longest time, his English was clear to understand, despite the limited vocabulary, it all changed drastically once he went to university.

Now, the half eaten words and phrases that he uses are totally foreign to me and just make no sense.

I am left gaping when I see him interact with his friends. They all talk the same way and seem to have no problem understanding each other either.

Language is a means of expression of thought, emotions and actions and the English spoken by youth today is a sign of how times have changed.  

Furthermore, their interests have changed and in the bargain many of them have lost out on the wonderful works of Shakespeare, Keats and Wordsworth, who expressed words with such beauty and depth.

I have now stopped commenting on my son’s spoken English. It leaves a lot to be desired but it is a losing battle and I get the same exasperated response every time.

“Mum, I would be the laughing stock of my friends and be considered a geek, if I spoke that way. Don’t you get it?”

Oh I get it alright I just don’t like it, but - whatever!

Battle of the sexes

Ask any man and he will tell you that women are complicated, difficult to understand and quite the drama queens.

On the flipside, women believe that the ‘macho’ image is a farce, most men are impossible and in reality just big babies who want to be coddled throughout life.

As a woman and I speak on behalf of my tribe out there, we women are really not complicated.

We are simply emotional, more intuitive, we sense things more and we are care-givers. This does not mean that men are not emotional, they most certainly are, but don’t voice it like we do.

We are also more organized and multi-task effectively. I admit that we sometimes over think things and over analyze words or comments that are sometimes interpreted completely different to what was originally implied.

That can create complications, which men find hard to handle

As for being ‘drama queens’, did it ever occur to men, that you made us so?

We are tired of picking up after you and cleaning the mess you create. How many of you, appreciate the cooked meals and at least pick up your own plate after meals and help tidy up.

Try asking a man for help, most of them will simply belch in response.

If that is not enough, you men are worse than babies, when you get sick.

We have to walk around on tiptoes and keep the kids quiet, so that you are not disturbed. You only wake up in time for a steaming bowl of chicken soup, complain about a total lack of appetite, but still slurp down the last drop and simply go back to bed.

You want constant pampering and taking care of and while we did promise to be there ‘in sickness and in health’ you sometimes take it a bit too far! 

We, on the other hand, can’t afford the luxury of being sick, because it will throw everything out of sync. While we would like to be able to sit back and relax, but like they say, a woman’s work is never done.

So we ignore the aches and pains, go about our routine with no time to complain.

Then again, is it expecting too much to want your attention? Do you realise that we would like to be pampered, be able to voice our feelings too, without you disregarding what we say, because you only tune into those things that matter most to you and filter out the rest.

It is frustrating trying to talk to you, over the sound of the TV, which you refuse to turn off because it is either “give me a minute,” or ‘can we talk later.” It’s a miracle if we can get five minutes of undivided attention.

Any wonder then, why we are the so called drama queens.

Just remember, that while society regards you as the head of the family and you may boast to your friends about being the king of your castle who always has the last word on any decisions, who are you kidding? 

That was considered the norm during the time of your forefathers. This is the 21^st century and times have changed. The majority of women refuse to be the submissive wives and mothers that their grandmothers were.

 We can be kind, loving and very patient, we advocate peace and harmony, but if you push our buttons the wrong way and we snap, you really won’t know what hit you. Is it worth being relegated to the dog house?

Life is all about adjustments and co-existing amicably, so let’s work towards that. Let’s stop the blame game and arguments – you know you can’t win anyway, because a woman will always have the last word.

Oh V.E.G.A.S.

What do you get when you put together a group of fun loving women, add to that some food, throw in some crazy games and shake it up with music? An evening of madness and rib tickling laughter that lingers late into the night!

That is exactly what happened at a recent girls night out which has been slotted under the letters V.E.G.A.S. (Very Elegant Girls Acting Silly). While I am trying to come up with another possible name, I will use this, till we come up with something else.

However, it doesn’t take away from the fact, that girls night really rocks.

The bonding of sisterhood is apparent. The cloak of housewife and mother comes off and is literally shoved into the closet as the inner child comes out to play with enthusiasm and glee, for those few hours.

Oh the joy to just be and do what you want. It makes you feel like the child you once were, as you throw caution to the wind, let your hair down and revel in the freedom from routine and responsibility.

It is our time and our time alone as we bite into calorie loaded delicacies and then dance off our indulgences. It is our time, when personal stories or thoughts are shared and naughty pictures are clicked, later branded as ‘censored’ and totally off limits to anyone besides those in the group.

We bond, unwind and squeeze in as much as we can, all in the name of fun. All in all, it is a much needed outlet for all of us and helps us to keep sane in this fast paced journey of life.

It is fair to say that we believe in working hard and playing hard too, which we truly deserve.

Yes! Girls want to have fun and I am just loving it!

Enough is Enough

If makes me livid when I hear about  domestic abuse. Worse still, when it pertains to women I know on a personal level.


How downright atrocious for any woman to be subject to such cruelty, which only highlights the cowardice of a man, who is attacking someone  obviously not as strong as him.


Strength is not just about physical strength. A woman may be physically stronger than the man, but how strong is she financially or emotionally, to walk away from the abuse and live life on her terms?


For most women and especially if they are mothers, they continue to take the abuse, for financial security and to maintain a family environment, for the sake of the children.


Yet, what kind of family environment are we talking about, where there is no love, or respect for one another? In fact, aren't we jeopardizing the children's future by continuing to live in such an abusive, negative environment? Won't it have a negative impact on the their future relationships with others?


What kind of message are we giving our children, that it is acceptable to be abused, when we all know that it is not? 


Do we want to risk continuing a vicious circle of abuse? I doubt it.


So while abuse happens, day in and day out, away from prying eyes and amid the walls of many a home - physical, mental, verbal and overall emotional abuse, it really has to stop.



But it can't stop if you as an abused person, continue to let it dictate your life. 


It can't stop, if you stay submissive and don't do anything about it. 



Call available Helplines, talk to family and friends you can trust, for support and sometimes, in severe cases, seek help from the law if you have to.


Fear is what holds people back from taking action, but sometimes you have to push yourself forward, push through the shackles of fear that bind you and fight for your rights.


To all you women out there, you have a right to live and be treated, if not with love, at least with respect. No one, no one has the right to abuse you. 


You are just as much to blame as the abuser, if you stay silent.


Stand up, stand tall, remind yourself of your self-worth.


Whether you are a wife or mother or both, you are first and foremost, a woman - a woman of substance.